Doubt can lead to action

“Lord, I believe – help my unbelief.”

This is the prayer Mother Teresa spoke during her 50-year period of dryness with God, a dryness that went unknown to others except for her spiritual director. Public knowledge of doubting faith wasn’t offered until after her death.

Mother Teresa didn’t want to publicize her struggle with doubt and disbelief, for understandable reasons. She was the face of a Christian ministry that was saving lives. She would have been keenly aware that doubt is not seen in a positive light by many Christians.

But I am grateful that her testimony of faith in question can be shared with us today, because to some extent many of us experience this same feeling at some point – maybe only for a short time, maybe for longer than we would ever care to admit.

When I first heard about Mother Teresa’s struggle with her faith, I was shocked. I simply assumed that someone as devout as her – someone made a saint by the Roman Catholic Church – would have a rock-solid faith in God, and in His presence in our lives.

My response reflected a common belief that doubt is a kind of failing, even though the original disciples were not confident about what to do after the resurrection. The gospels tell us that they hear the news that Jesus has risen from the dead and don’t respond with soaring faith but instead lock themselves into a room because they are afraid of the Jewish leaders. Suddenly, Jesus is standing there among them. “Peace be with you,” he says. He shows them the wounds in his hands and his side. They are filled with joy. Jesus tells them, “As the Father has sent me, so I am sending you.” (John 20:19-21)

Jesus invites those who have followed him most closely for the past three years to step out of a place of fear, incredulity or disbelief and into a place of peace, joy and confidence.

However, Thomas, one of the disciples, isn’t there with the group on that first Easter Sunday. He doesn’t get his chance to see the risen Christ. And because of this, he is about to get a nickname that people still use today, calling him “Doubting Thomas.”

Thomas does not believe until Jesus appears before him and Thomas plunges his hands into Jesus’ broken flesh (John 20:24-29). Through that direct experience, Thomas is transformed. His intriguing story of incredulity and inquiry can also help us understand the way in which God responds to us in our doubts and fears.

Jesus replies to Thomas: “You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.” Because some of us are conditioned to see doubt as negative, we interpret Jesus’ words to Thomas as a rebuke. However, Jesus is simply stating a fact: Thomas saw and believed.

That demonstration of the power of direct experience can give us food for thought. I must confess that after more than half a century of social activism, I sometimes feel pessimistic about the impact I’ve made. The course of the world, with its serious woes, seems much the same as when I was young. Have I, and others, really made any difference?

But then I think about Thomas and how his direct experience with the Risen One made an enormous impact.

That underscores for me the value of taking action, no matter how small. Canada is poised on the brink of a federal election. It would be all too easy to accede to the prevailing mood of pessimism regarding politicians and the political process. To let the forces of doubt gain the upper hand. But the example of Thomas reminds us that when we take action, transformation can occur. Our hearts and our souls can experience rebirth. That has strengthened my resolve to work with others to raise creation care issues during the election campaign in my community.

In the midst of doubt, of disbelief, of waning hope and troubling thoughts, God is there with us, inviting us to sink our hands into the woundedness of this world. When we do so, we don’t merely improve the lives of our neighbours and the state of creation; we ourselves are transformed. We’re renewed and come to have hope that a different kind of world is indeed possible. We too can experience resurrection.