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I was prepared to stand in the drizzly weather we’d been having, assuming – again, incorrectly – that whatever prayers were offered would be very brief. And, of course, I wanted to see what critters would be there.

The hour-long family service started at 4 p.m. inside the church sanctuary. As we entered, my nose detected a definite barnyard odour, which became stronger as we approached the pews near the front.

In the place where the grand piano usually sits lay a straw-covered tarpaulin surrounded by a low wire fence. In this enclosure a multitude of farm animals either explored their new home or busied themselves ignoring the throngs of fascinated churchgoers who, like us, approached the beasts with curiosity and amazement.

The most obvious of these was Striker, a deep brown alpaca who stared imperiously at the humans making a fuss over him. Alpacas are very distant cousins of camels… without the humps. He was joined by Delilah the donkey, two very woolly sheep, a fuzzy miniature cow, what appeared to be a small goat with a light-brown coat, several gorgeous angora rabbits, a host of squealing piglets, a large and boisterous contingent of very small aggressive chickens, and a lone goose. It was crowded!

There was no room for Mary, Joseph or the baby Jesus in a manger. But two women remained with the beasts in the corral, keeping watch as the shepherds did and answering our questions.

As the service began, the Rev. Matthew McMillan asked each parishioner to imitate his or her favourite creature. I love cows, and so I mooed! No one heard me; a cacophony filled the entire building. The prayers and hymns proceeded to a background of various snorts, clucks, honks and other unchurch-like noises. Maybe the beasts were merely echoing what they had just heard from us!

Several times Striker buried his head in the straw, emerging with his face covered in yellowish wisps. He chewed continually during worship, not caring a whit about the effect he was having on the parishioners. Delilah stood quietly, deep in thought.

At one pivotal moment, Father Matt left his pulpit and approached the pen. Lifting his robes, he climbed over the barrier. I thought he was going to bless the flock, but he came out with Delilah’s lead in his hand, encouraging her to walk down the aisle toward the back of the church. She was not a willing participant, but she made the best of the situation. A certain irony existed in this stroll. In the bible, we hear of a donkey carrying Mary, who was with child. Apparently Delilah was also pregnant!

When he is not in church, Striker shares a farm paddock with Delilah. He might have been concerned about his friend. Or perhaps the gate in the small fence had been accidentally left open. For whatever reason, Striker made a quick and unexpected exit from his compound. The man seated in front of me reacted with haste, sticking out his arm and stopping the alpaca in his tracks.

One of the handlers quickly arrived to rein in the runaway, and things proceeded almost as planned. The excited children were invited to meet both Delilah and interloper Striker. Squealing with delight, the kids were keen to pat the animals but had to be reminded that alpacas don’t like to be touched on the face or head – neck and shoulder rubs are quite acceptable.

Once the wanderers were back in their pen, candles were lit and we all sang “Silent Night.”

I wonder if the participants had any idea that they had taken part in an historic moment. St. Francis is credited with setting up the very first nativity scene exactly 800 years ago, on Christmas Eve 1223.

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The fall 2023 meeting of the current Provincial Synod took place in Hamilton in the Diocese of Niagara. This in-person, week-long gathering included meetings of the Provincial House of Bishops, the executive officers, Provincial Council, OPCOTE and a follow-up discussion to our vocations conference. Similar themes ran through all the meetings. The discussion around vocations continued, as it is a provincial priority, but there was also an in-depth discussion on gambling ads in Ontario. Archbishop Linda Nicholls, the Primate, asked for a review and discussion of a white paper on gambling ads. (The paper can be found at www.banadsforgambling.ca/resources-white-paper.) The outcome of the review and discussion was that the Ontario House of Bishops supported a request to ban gambling ads in Ontario, with the further support of Provincial Council. The full story can be found in the Anglican Journal’s January edition. While vocations and the white paper took up significant discussion time, the meetings also addressed budgeting, safe church resources, and continuing social justice work as a province.

The upcoming meetings this spring will highlight similar topics along with the ongoing focus on vocations and formation, which has been the province’s central focus throughout this triennium, along with discussions on how to continue this work in the months and years to come. There will be a focus on incubator parishes that identify and nurture vocations, structural integration, promoting vocations, lifelong learning, mentoring and structures. All discussions are meant to work in conjunction with OPCOTE in assessing the best ways to move this conversation and work forward.

This spring’s Provincial Council meeting will also look at potential agenda items for our larger fall meeting, which will take place in Sault Ste. Marie. This week-long September event will once again focus on vocations as well as the business of Synod. We will look toward the next triennium’s work along with the election of members to the next Provincial Council, which does the work of the province in between synods. It will be decided who will attend those meetings, as chosen by their diocese. The speaker at the fall gathering will be the Most Rev. Stephen Cottrell, Archbishop of York in the UK. Along with the regular business of the Provincial Synod, we hope to spend time at the Shingwauk Residential School Centre at the University of Algoma and on the land of the former Shingwauk and Wawanosh Indian Residential Schools in Sault Ste. Marie.

2024 will be a busy time in the Ecclesiastical Province of Ontario as it plots its way into a new triennium of work and ministry. The work will continue to build bridges between the seven dioceses and share resources that will enhance ministry and relationships. New members will continue the work that was begun in the last triennium while bringing innovative ideas and gifts to the table. The province is blessed to have volunteers and staff who continue to give of their time and talents, and for that we give thanks.

The Ecclesiastical Province of Ontario comprises the dioceses of Algoma, Huron, Ontario, Moosonee, Niagara, Ottawa and Toronto.

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I remind us all that Lent, while about prayer and fasting and abstinence – the giving up of certain things – is about taking on things, too, that can affect others in a good way. I still recall the Lenten boxes, pyramids and cards with spaces for coins, a way of setting money aside to help others in need.

However, as is so often pointed out in scripture, all the prayers and ritual and everything “just right” in worship won’t matter if one neglects or hurts others due to such faith expressions.

Two stories: It was a Friday in Lent, 1979. My late wife Susan and I invited a couple over for dinner. Sue did up a lovely beef bourguignon dinner. She was a little anxious, as we didn’t know them well. When dinner was served, the fellow took one look and said, “I don’t eat meat in Lent.” Certain details have left me, except Susan quietly going to the kitchen to do up a pasta dish without the meat topping. I have never forgotten that hurtful moment. An action of caring takes precedence over any Lenten discipline. Please eat the meal innocently served.

Fast forward to Ash Wednesday 2018. My late wife Bonnie, tired after four nights in the hospital due to her cancer and home only a few days, wanted to make us Chinese food for dinner. How close I came to automatically responding, “But it is Ash Wednesday and I only have a little soup.” Maybe the dinner of Lent 1979 suddenly came to mind, for the words were not said. We enjoyed that night’s Chinese dinner together.

You see, Ash Wednesday fell on Valentine’s Day in 2018, and that dinner was Bon’s gift to me on what would be our last Valentine’s Day – and Ash Wednesday – together. It was a special gift, for she knew how much I enjoy Chinese food.

Caring and love are what are most important in God’s eyes.

A Lenten dinner in 1979, and then one in 2018. Each has left a mark, and each reminds me of what our Lenten disciplines are really to be about: growing in Christ’s love and living that love out. May we have a holy Lent. May Easter’s dawn touch our souls. Amen.

The Rev. Canon Greg Physick gave this reflection in 2022 at St. Paul, Lindsay, where he is the honorary assistant.

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Bishop Riscylla Shaw, suffragan bishop with oversight of the diocese’s North and East archdeaconries, conducted a wonderful service that touched on some of the challenges of the rebuild. “This is a day of joyful celebration,” she told the congregation. “We have come to pray for God’s blessing on this house of assembly and worship, which we name St. James.”

Bishop Shaw, a key supporter of the rebuild, said, “The Church is more than bricks and mortar and more than people. It is being the feet and hands of Jesus and doing Jesus’ work in the community.”

The Rev. Bryce Sangster, incumbent, welcomed everyone on behalf of those who worked to make the day possible. “The atmosphere has a feeling of a resurrection and a new beginning after coming through both the tragic fire and Covid, the perfect storm, with new and exciting possibilities for this place going forward,” he said.

Chief Taynar Simpson of Alderville First Nation and John Logel, mayor of the Township of Alnwick-Haldimand, also spoke at the gathering. Seven other Anglican clergy attended, representing regional groups. Wally Brown was the pianist.

Many people remarked about the beautiful new building with its many windows, the brightness, the acoustics, the lofted ceiling, the glass panel doors and other pleasant features of the church. A capacity crowd filled all the chairs, with a few attendees standing by the doorway.

“The opening day was wonderful and I am very thankful for the support of the membership and the community,” said Gail Latchford, deputy people’s warden.

St. James is nestled amongst family farms and small woodlots in the beautiful rolling hills of Northumberland County. Windows that look out over the picturesque hillside and valleys are a prominent feature of the church. The views provide a memorable panorama and offer an invitation to return.

The rebuilding of the church was intentionally delayed because the cost of most building materials skyrocketed in 2020 to 2022. The rebuilding process included a redesign to incorporate some cost savings. As part of the revised plan, vinyl siding was used as a substitute for concrete board as the external cladding. The church retained the plan for a steel roof for its longevity and durability. A metal roof was deemed to be important on the wind-prone hillside.

With its off-white vertical siding, black window frames, glass panelled doors, charcoal coloured roof and a green cross on each gable, the new church was dressed and ready for the consecration service and official opening on Dec. 9, 2023.

The first St. James church was built by pioneer families in 1863 and services had been held there since before Confederation. The original church was built with mostly volunteer labour. It was made of pine lumber and cost $800. The land was donated by William Nichol. The stained-glass window, installed in 1886, was in memory of the Rev. John McCleary. In 1925, the Coyle and Drope families donated the church’s huge bell, which is 38 inches in diameter, just eight inches less than the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia. The bell marked the centennial of the families’ arrival in Canada. In 1977, the vestry and basement were added; in 1980, the bell tower was extended.

St. James Cemetery was also initiated in 1863. Many former parishioners are in interred in the pristine and pastoral cemetery. The church’s strong emotional link with former rectors is evident, as they later chose this cemetery as their final resting place. They include the Rev. A.J. Patstone (1881-1978), the Rev. Canon Henry Peasgood (1915-1977), the Rev. A.C. Herbert (1906-1993), and the Rev. Canon Bill Hewton (1930-1998).

The devastating fire that destroyed the old church interrupted 156 years of service to the community.  The only items to survive the fire were the leather-bound bible and the bell, which was damaged in the fall from the tower. But now rebuilt, St. James returns to its prominent landmark location on the scenic hillside northeast of Roseneath, beside County Road 45. St. James was able to escape the sobering trend towards closures of rural churches and rise from the ashes the fire. With a rebuilt church, the parish can continue its roll in the social and spiritual development of the community.

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Joan Baillie, ODT
St. Joseph of Nazareth, Bramalea
Mrs. Baillie has been nominated by St. Joseph of Nazareth, Bramalea for her lifelong witness to God’s presence. For 60 years, she has humbly served with creative courage and a grateful smile as a joyful intercessor, Sunday School teacher, pastoral visitor and FaithWorks parish coordinator. In her own words, “God always had a hand on me, looking after me, enabling me to serve.” She is an inspiring servant leader in her beloved parish.

Mario Bartolozzi, ODT
St. Matthias, Bellwoods
Mr. Bartolozzi been nominated by the bishop for his extensive volunteer service as a Diocesan Council member, Mission Action Planning and parish transition coach, visioning facilitator and  remote technology consultant. He is active in his parish leadership, working as a churchwarden and serving as cantor, reader and liturgical administrator. His volunteerism extends beyond the church walls, helping in community charities including the Make a Wish Foundation, the AIDS Committee of Toronto and the Toronto People With AIDS Foundation.

Valerie Beasley, ODT
Prince of Peace, Wasaga Beach
Mrs. Beasley has been nominated by Prince of Peace for her faith-filled, enthusiastic service. As an eight-year rector’s warden, she has also served as lay reader, communion assistant, intercessor, children’s ministry coordinator and chorister. During the pandemic, she held the congregation together by organizing services and outdoor worship, and she is the driving force behind the vitality and growth of the parish – a shining example of how to live for God.

Stephen Boake, ODT & Lise Browne, ODT
St. James Cathedral
Mr. Boake & Ms. Browne have been nominated by the bishop for their long-standing consultant work with the diocese. The husband-and-wife team are the creative partners behind Designwerke, a multipurpose graphic arts, design and communications company that has worked with the Stewardship department to brand FaithWorks, Our Faith, Our Hope, the John Strachan Trust and the Bishop’s Company. In providing vital strategic vision for the diocesan context, they lend their time and talents to serve a bigger purpose that they believe in.

Patricia Campbell, ODT
Minden-Kinmount
Ms. Campbell has been nominated by the Parish of Minden-Kinmount for her ability to bring people into relationship with Jesus. A 90-plus year faithful member of St. Paul’s, she has held almost every position imaginable as a shining light to her church. Her desire to serve and her sense of what is needed are exemplary. With her love of Christ radiating through her, she is the hands, feet and light of Christ in the community.

Audrey Chan, ODT
St. Matthew, First Avenue
Mrs. Chan has been nominated by St. Matthew, First Avenue for her many years of service to the church and for her Christian kindness. As warden, treasurer, acting administrator, financial assistant, refreshment coordinator, chorister, greeter, lay pastoral visitor, intercessor and refugee committee member, she serves with quiet, steadfast joy. Her work and guidance have been essential in maintaining the church community through many challenging circumstances, and her presence in the local neighbourhood is known as “You Christians have something!”

Junia Crichlow, ODT
St. Jude, Bramalea North
Mrs. Crichlow has been nominated by St. Jude, Bramalea North for her vital pastoral presence. A lay anointer, intercessor, fundraiser and advisor, she is an in-demand listener and confidante for many. With a long career as a public health nurse, in retirement she is often asked for advice regarding elder stay-at-home parishioners and has more time to spend serving her parish.

Marion Cronsberry, ODT
St. John the Baptist, Norway
Ms. Cronsberry has been nominated by St. John the Baptist, Norway for lifelong membership and service to her church. From early childhood years watching her parents in leadership roles, she was guided by their faith and action and faithfully continued her worship and service with her own family. As the parish’s homegrown historian, she has held many roles herself and is currently lead of the chancel guild and archives.

Gary Davenport, ODT
St. Barnabas, Chester
Mr. Davenport has been nominated by St. Barnabas, Chester for his tireless work in the parish, spanning several decades. As warden and interim treasurer when needed, he also pitches in with HR matters and property items and oversees all construction with patience and professionalism. Always present at Sunday worship services (unless on vacation), he values all voices and is well loved by all members of the parish.

David Finch, ODT
St. James, Caledon East
Mr. Finch has been nominated by St. James, Caledon East for his commitment to serving God in faithful reverent worship, responsible administrative duties, dedicated maintenance of church property and dependable friendship to his fellow siblings in Christ. When COVID-19 lockdown threatened parish life, he procured a diocesan grant for a visual recording system and used his talents to set it up and train volunteers to run it. He is caring and committed to the life of St. James, and the parish is truly grateful for him.

Jean Franz, ODT
St. Hugh and St. Edmund
Mrs. Franz has been nominated by St. Hugh and St. Edmund for her dedicated service to the church and her commitment to her Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Generously stewarding her resources to the parish, she contributes to the church’s work of spreading the gospel. As parish secretary since 1968, she has also taken up roles as lay pastoral assistant, lay anointer, chancel guild member and advisory board chairperson, and in her spare time is a member of the ACW, prayer group and church choir.

Freda Gearing, ODT
St. Nicholas, Birch Cliff
Mrs. Gearing has been nominated by St. Nicholas, Birch Cliff for her dedicated and unwavering commitment to pastoral care and parish life over the past 20 years. As coordinator of the parish pastoral care team, anointer of the sick and lay communion administrator, her life of faith and service is evidenced by her valued ministry and dedication to prayer whenever and whomever it is needed for.

Sharon Goldsworthy, ODT
All Saints, Collingwood
Mrs. Goldsworthy has been nominated by All Saints, Collingwood for her ministries of hospitality, pastoral care and outreach. Since COVID, she has focused on food security in the parish community, exemplified in the Five Loaves program she began as a way of supplementing monthly sit-down community dinners. Serving 100 people as of October, hot nutritious meals are provided to shut-ins, shelters and encampments. An enthusiastic Eucharistic assistant and anointer, her deep spirituality is an inspiration to her priest and parish.

Marilyn Hutchison, ODT
St. Paul, Innisfil
Ms. Hutchison has been nominated by St. Paul, Innisfil for her significant contribution to the life of the parish over the past six years. As rector’s warden, special events coordinator, volunteer screening coordinator and Messy Church volunteer, she is also called “Josephine the plumber.” This woman is the eighth wonder of the world – if she sees something that needs doing, it was done yesterday.

James (Jim) Laking, ODT
Trinity Church, Barrie
Mr. Laking has been nominated by Trinity Church, Barrie for numerous stalwart contributions that have been appreciated by all. When the main wooden church doors were vandalized with a blowtorch last year, he sanded out the offensive symbols and words and stained the doors to make them new. Baptized at Trinity in 1932 and a member ever since, he has tirelessly managed property work inside and outside, sidespeople, security, audio visual presentations and historical church membership records.

Andre Lyn, ODT
St. Joseph of Nazareth, Bramalea
Mr. Lyn has been nominated by the bishop for his tireless and gracious commitment to diversity and learning in our Church. As long-serving chair of the Bishop’s Working Group on Intercultural Ministries, he has led the diocese in learning about its differences and facilitated challenging conversations about its history and present need to change. He is a long-serving warden in his own parish and, true to form, handles all situations with humility, grace and integrity.

Cynthia Majewski, ODT
St. Timothy, North Toronto
Ms. Majewski has been nominated by the bishop for volunteer work with healing ministries and within the volunteer corps, where she brings her RN and University of Toronto-level of quality improvement rigour to coaching and evaluating diocesan grants. She led the Reach Grant tech evaluation team that presented the “Using Technology for God’s Mission” series, co-authored a tech sustainability package and led a new digital ministry working group. She has joined the Nominating Committee, collaborated with the Toronto United Church Council’s Innovative Ministry Centre on project evaluation, volunteered at Synod and welcomed her first grandchild, Jay.

Kimberley Marshall, ODT
St. Monica
Ms. Marshall has been nominated by St. Monica for her many contributions to parish life. Having committed her life to Jesus six years ago, she has become an active participant in every aspect, including music ministry, hospitality, holy hardware polishing and representing the parish as a lay delegate to Synod. When a job needs to be done, she will be there to help out.

Eileen Martin, ODT
St. Luke, Creemore
Mrs. Martin has been nominated by St. Luke, Creemore for her faithfulness and guidance that she offers without judgement in all she does. Former secretary to the dean of St. James Cathedral and member of St. Barnabas, she has worked in several parishes throughout her life and consistently engages in prayer and support of the mission of the Anglican Church. She lives her faith as a humble servant.

Ethel Morris, ODT
St. Paul, Lindsay
Mrs. Morris has been nominated by St. Paul, Lindsay for her loving and willing service to her Lord and Church. In liturgy, outreach, mission, hospitality and education, she has generously stewarded her trained skills and gifts for the work of the Church. A four-plus decades lay reader, enduring seasons of change personally and within the church, she is faithfully committed to ministry for the good of the Church and community.

Marjorie Myton, ODT
Holy Family, Heart Lake (Brampton)
Ms. Myton has been nominated by Holy Family, Heart Lake (Brampton) for her contributions to parish ministry over the last 30-plus years, many of which she continues today. Liturgical coordinator and trainer, lay anointer, prayer chain leader, choir member, welcoming committee, warden, advisory board member, nominations committee member, and the initiator and coordinator of the Caring and Sharing Christmas outreach program delivering boxes of food and gifts, her selfless dedication has indeed blessed Holy Family and many others.

Ian Paul, ODT
Ascension, Don Mills
Mr. Paul has been nominated by the bishop for his faithfulness to the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, symbolizing outstanding service to Church and community. Faithful to the point of portraying the role nobody wants in the annual Christmas pageant (the Roman soldier), he has served in all parish roles that equally may or may not be volunteered for. Recognized by his parish as a humble, unassuming man who gives of himself quietly, he is appreciated by the diocese for his generous service to our Church.

Norman Savill, ODT
St. Margaret, Barrie
Mr. Savill has been nominated by St. Margaret, Barrie for his lifelong service to the Church as a gifted host and enthusiastic lay reader. A mentor to new leaders, he regularly hosts new parishioners in his home and works to connect the church and community. In recognition of his leadership and encouragement to his parish during COVID, he continues to be an innovative leader in the regional ministry project that explores new ways of being Church.

Valerie Seales, ODT
St. Matthew the Apostle, Oriole
Ms. Seales has been nominated by the bishop for 50-plus years of leadership in parish life and the community. A longtime churchwarden, her business sense and kindness have set the tone for inclusivity, joyous celebration, diligent management and prayerful participation in the neighbourhood. In addition to parish leadership, she is a dedicated volunteer with Toronto Caribbean Carnival, the Henry Farm community association, Hibiscus United of Trinidad and Tobago (Canada) and the beloved Los Ketchos Assos parang band as a joyful singer.

Moira Southwell, ODT
All Saints, Collingwood
Mrs. Southwell has been nominated by the bishop for her ministries of hospitality, pastoral care and outreach. As pastoral team lead, she mobilizes members for home visits and calls while consistently hosting weekly coffee drop-ins and bible studies and a monthly afternoon Eucharist for seniors. Sunday service chauffeur and PowerPoint assistant to her husband Doug, she also acts as an anointer after Communion. Reliable for her plain-spoken honesty and deep knowledge of the congregation, she is guided by her heart for God’s people.

John Sutton, ODT
Redeemer, Bloor St.
Mr. Sutton has been nominated by Church of the Redeemer for his outstanding work as chair of the property committee. He has brought many projects to fruition that have enhanced the beauty and utility of the parish sacred space, as well as serving as a Communion minister and focusing on building relationships. This past year, he facilitated the installation of “When I was sick” sculpture and the restoration of stained-glass windows, both visible signs to the downtown neighbourhood of Christ’s presence in the city.

Timothy Yat-Kwong Tong, ODT
St. John, Willowdale
Mr. Tong was nominated by the bishop for remarkable service to the parish in multiple ministries and as a longstanding churchwarden. Instrumental in the relocation of St. John’s to its permanent church home, he enabled a fruitful transition. He lived an exemplary life in his Christian commitment and humility, showed faithful spirituality through challenges in his personal and parish life, and encouraged and inspired all to grow in Christian virtues and unity. Mr. Tong died of cancer on Dec. 4, 2023. His award was presented posthumously to his family.

Valerie Trutwein, ODT
St. Bede
Ms. Trutwein has been nominated by St. Bede for her ministry of encouragement and support to other seniors. As a 50-plus year neighbourhood resident and parishioner, St. Bede’s has been a haven of peace and comfort, and in turn she has faithfully supported the church and reaches out to its members with care. A former chorister and lay reader, her spirit remains strong and is a bright light of inspiration to others.

Roger Welsman, ODT
St. Thomas, Shanty Bay
Mr. Welsman has been nominated by St. Thomas, Shanty Bay for lifelong service as churchwarden, lay reader, fundraiser, community organizer and volunteer. When he began as a churchwarden in the 1960s, the church hall was built and he became a lay reader, appointed by then-incumbent the Rev. Basil Tonks. In 2006, he again lent his leadership to see the church hall updated into a beautiful new facility that is now home to a Montessori school during the week.

Martha Whittaker, ODT
Christ Church, Brampton
Ms. Whittaker has been nominated by Christ Church, Brampton for her significant, longtime volunteer ministry for children and youth, hospitality, newcomer integration and stewardship development. Using her skills and experience as a former corporate vice-president in the insurance industry, she has mentored and supported volunteers from within the parish and from other parishes and community agencies. She has been instrumental in developing procedures and systems for intentional, integrated and growth-oriented change in the church.

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Even with congested traffic the journey can hardly be called a long one, but metaphorically it was huge, and almost two years later I still find myself ruminating on the vastness of the pilgrimage from full-time work to retirement.

My generation is retiring in record numbers as we Baby Boomers enter that stage of life, so there is plenty of advice, wise and otherwise, on how to retire gracefully. For clergy there are also protocols around leaving a parish cleanly, without trying to hang on to relationships forged during a ministry. Pastoral relationships are different from friendships, we are reminded. And yet after years of serving in a church community, having the privilege of entering deeply into people’s lives at times of great sorrow and great joy, seeing little ones grow up and elders die, friendships do form. A strong web of relationships develops. And the pain of walking away from that is real.

Leaving any ministry or job can be painful. But there is something additionally poignant about the pang of loss that comes with retirement, precisely because it is final. Perhaps that explains why many of us take on part-time roles after retiring, so that we can carry on doing what we did for so long. And churches need these newly retired people as volunteers and as interim clergy. I remember how much I valued that cohort in my own parishes over the years. Yet a friend in Guelph had warned me against jumping back into ministry or volunteerism too soon, for the sake of filling the uncomfortable, unfamiliar gap. And so I promised myself that I would do nothing for the first six months other than settling into Guelph and travelling to the UK to see family.

The other reality was that I was burned out after my final years of ministry during Covid and a huge church renovation project, and my husband had been suffering from memory loss for several years already. It was time for our world to shrink to a more manageable size and for our energies to be focused closer to home. In the metaphor of a pilgrimage, our roads needed to be smaller, slower, shorter, heading not outwards but inwards.

At first, I felt most acutely a huge sense of relief that I had put down the weighty responsibility of my work. A parishioner had told me that her husband, on retiring, had described his new life as heaven on earth. I got that. Our work demands so much of us, for better and for worse, and parish ministry in particular is a complex blend of leadership, service, management, pastoral care, liturgical expertise, teaching, preaching, and much more. It had felt at times like spinning an impossibly large number of plates on sticks, while trying not to let any fall. And yes, I knew it was God’s church, not mine. I knew I was a minister, not a messiah. I relied on the guidance and strength of the Spirit at work among us all. Nevertheless, it was a weight of responsibility that I was deeply relieved to put down.

As we settled into the home back in the town where we had raised our children, and as we reconnected with old friends there, a slow trickle of energy began to return. We visited family in England and spent a month in Scotland, hiking in the hills of Skye and walking through the chain of islands that make up the Outer Hebrides. Unlike our pilgrimage three years before, when we had walked some 500 kilometres from Lindisfarne across Scotland to Iona, we were not walking all day and camping by night this time, but instead had a car and a comfortable caravan. It was much easier, freer – another metaphor for transitioning into retirement.

And yet there was also a pang of grief under the relief. As my energy returned, I found myself missing the work and the sense of purpose and identity it gave. I missed the life of the church community, with all its ups and downs, challenges and joys. I missed the friends I had made there. My husband noticed that sitting in a pew on Sundays as a parishioner, rather than standing behind the altar as a priest, rankled with him and made him restless, critical, sad. And we both found ourselves antsy on Saturdays, as though we were forgetting to do something, after four decades of gearing up for Sundays.

So the honeymoon period of retirement as heaven on earth turned out to be more complex. Retirement (on a pension, with a home of our own) was a gift and a privilege, and yet it also involved loss and disorientation. It was hard to get used to not being busy all the time. With colleagues still working, some struggling, I felt guilty for having slipped into the slow lane. But my friend’s words about not jumping into busyness too soon, allowing some fallow time instead, stayed with me.

The same friend is a gardener, and he turned up on my birthday in the spring with a car full of perennial plantings from his garden. He knew I had great ambitions to turn our large empty lawn into flower and vegetable gardens. My family gave me ten rose bushes as a birthday gift, and around the same time I bought vegetable seeds and seedlings from a local organic farm. The fallow time was about to give way to a season of planting.

Somewhat to my husband’s alarm, I began digging up sections of the lawn, creating new, curving spaces for the flower beds and business-like raised beds for the vegetables. I pictured a riot of colour throughout the summer and copious food to take us into the winter. But gardening is a long, slow game. The perennials took their time to root. Some were unable to cope with the toxins produced by our two large black walnut trees and had to be moved. Others grew but put out few blooms. While my neighbour planted beds full of annuals for instant colour, which I glanced at enviously while digging up yet another piece of the lawn, I was discovering that perennials take time and care.

The vegetables, too, had lessons to teach me. We had copious lettuce and an abundance of green beans, but the peppers were reluctant to thrive, and the tomato plants grew leggy and weak because I failed to prune them. The squash played a game with me where they multiplied under cover of their leaves. Just when I thought the last one had been picked, more were discovered hiding in the shade. I forgot I had a packet of carrot seeds and tossed them into the ground late in the summer. They yielded a small handful of miniatures in mid-November.

Gardening invites you to slow down and notice. There is some strenuous physical effort required at certain points, but mostly it felt last year like a matter of getting to know the little piece of land we had settled on, and the plants I was bringing to it. As we were rooting into our new stage of life, the plants were embodying a parallel process. As I tended them, watered and weeded them and enjoyed their bounty, I was also aware of settling myself down, focusing on one thing at a time, instead of spinning multiple plates. Often I just stopped and smelled the roses.

Two of our adult children have also moved back to Guelph, where they grew up. We see them often and delight in being able to drop in on each other. Our youngest one lives in Mexico and often reminds us that in traditional cultures we would be regarded as elders who have entered into a chapter of life typified by wisdom, a slower pace, a handing off of responsibilities. That reminder has been helpful for me, conditioned as I am to being productive, busy, in control. Doing nothing more than smelling the roses and observing the vegetables grow can be a spiritual practice.

“Consider the lilies,” said Jesus. “They neither spin nor toil, yet even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these.” So I took time to consider the lilies, and the roses, and the beans, tomatoes and squash. I gave myself permission to keep my calendar relatively empty. I practised patience – not a strong suit of mine, but increasingly important as my husband and I cope with his memory loss.

This pilgrimage into retirement is a journey to a new destination. Ultimately of course, and naturally, it leads to death. But along the way it invites us to learn letting go, slowing down, trusting, being more than doing, watching more than acting.

In his book To Bless the Space Between Us, teacher and poet John O’Donohue has a blessing for retirement, which includes these words:

You stand on the shore of new invitation
To open your life to what is left undone;
Let your heart enjoy a different rhythm
When drawn to the wonder of other horizons.

Have the courage for a new approach to time;
Allow it to slow until you find freedom
To draw alongside the mystery you hold
And befriend your own beauty of soul.

Wonder, courage, freedom, mystery, beauty. These are gospel words of wisdom and good news at this stage in the pilgrimage of life. And Christ, whom Mary Magdalene mistook for a gardener, tends our souls with loving care.

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Or so I thought. During a coffee break another volunteer pulled me aside and in a low voice outlined that even though the nearest homes were several hundred metres away, some of those homeowners had voiced their opposition to the project.

This is just one example of the hostility that often bursts forth in response to housing projects meant to benefit “the least of these.” A veteran Ontario MPP once told me that any politician bold enough to support affordable housing projects in their riding must accept the fact that everyone living near the project will vote against them in the next election, and many will campaign for other candidates.

Yes, fear of plunging property values, crime and other reasons often lie behind this hostility. But other fears are at play here too – especially fear of “the other,” of people who are different from us. We also like to believe that we’re in full control of our lives, when in fact we are not. Life is full of unforeseen events, many of them difficult, such as illnesses or accidents. Worrying about what the future may bring stirs up fear. The deepening climate crisis is another factor raising anxiety about an uncertain future.

Our Christian faith has plenty to say about fear and about deepening our faith in God rather than succumbing to fear. Our faith does not rest of the predictability of safety, but on God’s grace. The first words Jesus says to his fearful disciples following his resurrection are “Do not be afraid” (Matthew 28:10). “Fear not!” is the most repeated command in the bible. It’s been said that there are 365 “fear nots” in the bible — one for every day of the year.

In his book Fear of the Other: No Fear in Love, American theologian William Willimon invites Christians to consider the gospel command to love and not merely tolerate those considered to be “other” or outside mainstream Christian culture. Rooted in the Christian story and its inclusive vision, he brings a bold perspective to what may be the hardest thing for people of faith to do: including and loving the “other” as they are, without expecting them to become like us.

Emphasizing biblical teaching that urges us to accept these persons for who they are and their differences as gifts and mysteries bearing the grace of God, Willimon also offers a strong critique of privileged people who often speak of reconciliation yet evade the injustice of huge inequalities faced by foreigners and strangers.

Willimon argues that God comes to us through so-called outsiders, strangers, immigrants and those without status – the kind of people with whom Jesus spent a lot of time. Beyond extending welcome, Christians must become “other” to the world, shaking off the dominant culture’s identity and privilege through practices of listening, humility and understanding.

Along with those disciplines, I would add that conquering fear needs to involve going beyond our comfort zone to form meaningful connections with people different from us. Unfortunately, our society – and our personal attitudes – all too often erect barriers separating people based on their differences. It’s a kind of social apartheid. I live only 10 blocks from a Peterborough community nicknamed “Cracktown” because drug addiction plagues the lives of some of its residents. My wife and I have been lucky enough to make friends with three people living there who have taught me much about generosity and about how to laugh despite life’s challenges. Our life experiences are radically different, but deep down we share a common humanity.

Moving beyond fear is far from easy. It can begin with a couple of basic questions: what is it, exactly, that I am fearful of? Who am I afraid of – and why?

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